


Stupid Polyester Jacket

by akinorii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Manager reader, Reader dies, Reader-Insert, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akinorii/pseuds/akinorii
Summary: The story of how you slowly die because Oikawa Tooru could never love you the way you wanted him to. It’s all because of a stupid polyester jacket.uses a gender-neutral reader!
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Stupid Polyester Jacket

**Author's Note:**

> heavily based off the song heather by conan gray. but yeah if you didn't read the tags,, there is no happy ending here- i just want you to cry  
> \--  
> The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient’s throat will fill up with flower, they will then proceed to throw, and cough up the petals, (sometimes even the flowers). One of the only ways for the disease to ‘disappear’ is if, the said person returns the feeling (it can’t be resolved with friendship, it has to be genuine feelings of love). The infection can also be removed through surgery, though the feelings and/or memories disappear along with the petals. If they choose neither options, or the feeling is not returned in time, then the patient’s lungs will fill up with flowers, and will eventually suffocate. There is no specific flower for the disease

December 3rd. The day you finally understood that Oikawa Tooru wasn’t going to love you in the way you wanted. The day that you started to die.

\--  
You shut the lights and locked the doors to the gym to find the other third years waiting for you. It was normal for the five of you to walk together after practices.

The doors leading outside opened and you could feel the bitterly cold December wind, reminding you that you had left your jacket inside the gym you just locked. “You guys can go on ahead, I need to go get my jacket.“

Before you could turn around your shoulders already had an Aoba Johsai VBC jacket around them. “Here, take mine. It looks better on you anyway.” It was identical to yours, of course, but the fact that it was from him made it special. You tried to force yourself to keep the rising heat off your cheeks but ultimately failed. You didn’t know why you were so flustered, Tooru flirted with you daily, it should have been no different, yet it wasn’t.

He looked at you with his stupid smile, the one all the girls in his fan club clamored over. It was the same smile that you fell in love with 3 years ago when he asked you to manage the volleyball club.

After years of knowing each other, he knew you too well, “Don’t tell me you’ve finally fallen for me, (Y/n)-chan.” Maybe he knew, maybe it was a joke, but it was true. You were completely enamored by him, head over heels in love with stupid Oikawa Tooru.

You only scoffed, brushing it off like you had done for years, “Please we all know that I love Mattsun, Makki, and Iwa, but never you, Shittykawa.”

You pulled off your bag to put your arms in the jacket before zipping it up. The boys stood in front of you, waiting. You slung yourself between Mattsun and Makki, desperate to get away from the gaze of Oikawa.

Fortunately or unfortunately, you didn’t have to worry about Oikawa for long. He didn’t even say his goodbyes to the group before he was chasing after some girl. Presumably his girlfriend of the week, but you had seen her before. You didn’t know her name and didn’t bother to know either, it hurt bad enough anyway.

They had gotten together at the beginning of the second trimester and were pretty serious about their relationship. She was pretty according to society’s standards, always nice, and got along with the rest of Oikawa’s friends, yet you couldn’t help but hate her guts. Iwaizumi gave you a knowing look, but you only smiled, the tears already starting to form. Hiding it had been so easy before, but now— now you couldn’t.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Mattsun asked, nudging you in the side with his elbow. You hated how they all knew, giving you looks of pity. You were sure the whole team knew by this point, they just didn’t know how bad it had gotten. You only shook your head, wiped away your tears, and continued walking.

\--  
You planned to return the jacket to him during morning practice but there she was, tucked under one of Oikawa’s arms and holding the opposing hand. You were surprised to see her there, considering morning practice was much earlier than school. You pushed through your uncomfort and negative thoughts to toss the jacket at his face in true Iwa fashion. “Come on Crappykawa it’s time for practice not making out.”

“So rude (Y/n)-chan,” he pouted, detaching himself from his girlfriend. He said his goodbye, pressing a kiss to her lips. You walked away, not wanting to let your tears fall when the day had just started.

He caught up to you, and you noticed that he wasn’t holding his jacket anymore. You turned to look back at his girlfriend, who was as you thought, wearing his jacket. You tried your hardest to keep your face neutral as Oikawa talked excitedly to himself about his girlfriend.

\--  
You hated the feeling of throwing up. You were supposed to feel good after emptying the contents of your stomach, but it didn’t quite work that way when you were throwing up blood and flowers. The remaining petals from your throat made their way into the toilet as you collapsed. Sobs racked your body, leaving you hiccuping for air. Your whole body was numb, and your senses were completely thrown off, but you could still hear the thudding against the door. “(Y/n) open the door right now or I’m going to break it down.”

You didn’t move upon hearing Iwaizumi’s words, you just stayed curled against the cold porcelain of the toilet seat. You continued to stay unfazed as the doorknob rattled against the floor, and Iwaizumi came in.

It was only when you saw the horror on his face at the petals and blood that you had yet to flush that you decided you should move. Moving was more like collapsing once again, but this time into Iwaizumi’s arms. “Damn it (Y/n). Why’d you have to fall in love with that piece of shit.”

You could only mumble out your apologies as your tears started once more and bled onto his jacket. Iwa’s jacket that looked exactly like the one you were wearing, the one Oikawa gave you, and then gave her. It was a stupid, generic, polyester volleyball club warmup jacket, and you were crying about it.

\--  
Weeks passed, and Oikawa was none the wiser to the way you were slowly dying. It was like he was always distracted, but you couldn’t blame him with the Spring Interhigh Tournament coming up. This was their chance to go to Nationals, a dream you had heard about from all the third-year players.

The whole team had been working hard, but you knew Oikawa was overworking himself. You hated how he thought that he needed to be better, especially, when he was already so talented.

You were just about to leave the gym for the night when you heard the squeak of shoes against the flooring. You peaked your head around the corner to find Oikawa. You watched him stumble after hitting another one of his infamous serves, falling onto his knees before trying to get up again. You dropped your bag and rushed over with a gasp.

You pressed your hand onto his shoulder to keep him from getting up, and to let him know of your presence. “Tooru,” you sighed out, kneeling down to meet his eye level, “You absolute idiot. You know better than to overexert your knee days before our games.”

“But I need to get better, I need to beat Ushiwaka, I need—” he started, but you cut him off by grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at you.

“What you need is to calm down, you can’t do anything if you injure yourself again. So stop being selfish and thinking you can do this all alone. You have a team for a reason and you need to trust that their abilities and your own will help all of you win. Volleyball is a team sport,” you scolded, hopeful that the words you were saying could get through his thick skull.

He placed his hand over your own, “(Y/n)-chan you’re starting to sound too much like Iwa. You’ve been spending too much time with him and not enough with me.” He jutted out his lower lip into a pout like he was begging for your attention.

The way he looked at you made your heart do cartwheels. Your mind knew it was nothing new, that it was the same look he gave to charm anyone, yet it still made you feel like— like it was something special reserved just for you.

You could feel the tips of your ears heating up so you stood quickly to get away from him. “Let me go get some ice fo—”, Instantly you could feel him pulling you back by your wrist.

He was a lot closer now— too close even. You could see your reflection in his chocolate brown eyes as they stared into your own. “Tooru what—” Without a second’s notice, he was closing the practically nonexistent gap to press his lips onto yours.

You stood there, wide-eyed and confused as he kissed you. This is what you wanted right? So then why did it feel so wrong, so devoid of any emotions? Each antagonizing moment he spent with his lips pressed against yours served as a reminder of how he would never really love you, at least not the way you loved him.

It seemed too long before he finally pulled away, only to apologize, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to! I just— I don’t know, please forgive my mistake!” Of course, there was the word you were listening for: mistake, the only thing you’d ever be.

You could feel the cough bubble in your chest as you ushered Oikawa out of the gym. Forcibly shoving him out the door before you allowed yourself to collapse on the cold flooring.

You knew bending over like this would make it harder to breathe, but at this point, you didn’t want to. It felt almost involuntary as petals passed through your lips and mixed with the tear of pools onto the ground. Your eyes squeezed shut, tight enough to see stars, trying to stop the tears that seemed to flow too easily, too often.

Like the good friend you were, you pretended nothing happened that night and he did the same. Acting like he didn’t have his ear pressed against the wooden door and listen to you hack up your feelings. If only he knew the feelings were directed towards him, then maybe this would have been a different story.

He was a good actor, you’ll give him that, walking into school and slinging an arm around your shoulder just like he did during your first year. Falling into the easy rhythm the two of you had cultivated during all your years together like he hadn’t kissed you.

It felt good to pretend like nothing had changed since the beginning of high school, but that’s all it was, pretend.

\--  
It was time. You could feel the hands of death slowly closing around your throat now. You had been ready for a while now, but not for the goodbyes. Tears dripped onto your phone as you scrolled to find the one person you need to call. Tooru Oikawa.

You but your lip as the phone rang, trying to come up with the best way to tell him. “Hey (Y/n)! I’m kinda busy right now, so can I call you back later?”

You bit back a sob as you heard his girlfriend asking who he was talking to. “No, it’s um kinda really important.”

“Ok, give me a sec.” You waited in heavy silence as you heard him opening and shutting several doors before he got back to you, “What’s up?” His fingers drummed along the steering wheel in anticipation and for warmth. His car wasn’t the warmest, but it was better than sitting cold on his porch.

“Tooru, I just wanted to let you know that I love you, I always have and I always will.”

It was odd for you to call out the blue, and while the affection was appreciated, it worried him. “(Y/n)-chan, I love you too. Are you oka—”

“No, you don’t! You don’t love me the way I want you to and that’s the problem.” Your sobs were audible over the phone as you yelled at him.

His brows furrowed in confusion, seriously worried about your well-being now, “What’s going on? I’m coming over right now.”

“No, I just had to let you know before I go.”

“Go where?” The tears welling up in Oikawa’s eyes were now falling onto the seat below him, creating a puddle quite similar to the one in your room.

“You know, Tooru, you’ve known since that day in the gym.” You moved your head away to cough. It was getting harder to breathe as you felt the fully bloomed flowers fighting their way up through your throat.

“No! Damn it (Y/n), damn it!” The anger wasn’t directed at you, more at himself for not doing anything sooner. His head collided with the steering wheel as he continued to blabber angrily into the speaker. “Can’t you get that surgery?”

“I’d rather die than forget you, Tooru. I really do love you too much.” You couldn’t cry anymore; all your tears had already been shed.

He tried to plead with you through broken sobs, but you had made up your mind. “Please (Y/n), I don’t care if you don’t remember me, but you can’t die. I love you, I really do.” The lie slipped through his lips easily, but he wished he could mean it, whether or not he loved you he didn’t want to lose you.

You smiled sadly, even though he couldn’t see your face. “Don’t lie to me, not when I’m about to die. I know you could never love me more than a friend, and I’ve come to terms with that. I don’t care if you forget me in 5 or 10 years, I just want you to go win Nationals for me, for the team.”

You moved away from the phone again to cough, but Oikawa could still hear it, desperately pushing it closer to his ear, hoping this wasn’t the end. When the coughing stopped, you didn’t talk, and that’s how he knew you were gone.

“I love (Y/n), I loved you, I do,” he repeated the words like a mantra. Like it would bring you back to him— like it would bring you back to life.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, think about how they didn't go to nationals :/ also, oiks girlfriend breaks up with him after bc he's hyper focuses on volleyball in hopes to get to nationals and beat ushiwaka... do with that what you will,, feel free to scream at me here or on tumblr @bbykutos!


End file.
